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Mothers Day

With Mother’s Day having passed this weekend I thought I would share my thoughts with you.

The women in my life are and have been amazing! I was lucky enough to have a loving mum, and both sets of my grandparents who I adored. My sisters are my best friends and my best mates are like my sisters. I will always value their opinions and love them so so much.

Being a mummy is literally the best thing I could have ever imagined. It’s all I wanted to be growing up. I remember as a 7/8yr old drawing my house and then drawing every room within that house. It featured a lot of detailed drawings of nurseries, some pink, some blue.

The age difference between my first sister and I is 7 years and it was the perfect age to completely mother her. I would plait her hair, dress her, feed her, play with her and take her shopping! When my next sisters were born (11 and 16yrs age gap) people would stop and ask me if I was their mum! This was maybe a little too far but I loved looking after them all the same. That maternal instinct has definitely always been there for me.

I always felt really lucky to also have such a young cool mum myself. Apart from when she used to drop me at school with Bon Jovi music blaring out of the car! My mum had me when she was 19 years old and I was always really close with her. My mum and dad split up when I was in my teens and after a few years my mum became more and more dependant on alcohol.

It seems horrible to say out loud but my mum is an alcoholic. Because of this it has led to our relationship not being as strong as it once was.

I moved from Norfolk to Wolverhampton when I was 20 and would speak to her at least once a day. However, many times when I’ve needed her she hasn’t been at the end of the phone or instances have happened that have broken feelings between us. It’s for this reason when I am doing little things like shopping for Mother’s Day cards I am hesitant in what I pick! I hold back in conversations now and I don’t think I could ever truly let her back in my life day to day as it once was.

Am I grateful for my mum?! Absolutely – I do love her with my whole heart. But do I find Mothers Day difficult? Yes, yes I do. But that’s ok because I look at my own children and know I could never want them to feel like that about me. I know I will always always show up for them.

Always.